This is not a post about The Pandemic or #BLM. It’s also not a post about how to appropriately behave at societal rituals and obey decorum. I know how to and have done that. Yawn.
I have been foregoing alcohol for the past 55 days. I had years of intermittent alcohol free ness before this. I just joined Annie Grace’s The Alcohol Experiment and It’s eye opening and Non absolutist. Relief.
As I move through more experiences drinking or not : I am in curiosity , discovery and dare I say whimsy about my preferences. My likes and dislikes : what charms me, what alarms me, and what school marms me.
Stillness -Love it. Chillness, No thanks. There are so many other people that do chill better than me. ( or pretend to).
I am an extrovert , I like people but preferably around an event or theme. (large or small) . I’m just not interested in sitting around and ONLY talking. I prefer there to be a game we’re playing, or movie we just saw, or project we’re working on, a book club talk? If we go to a concert I don’t want to sit down. Gross. Conversation or ONLY TALKING will arise organically around these activities and thats when it’s the best and most luminous!
When I was heavy drinking, I needed to change things up after a couple of drinks. To stop the Chill before it gets frozen. During an alcoholic run/ binge, there would be maybe 1 drink or 1.5 drinks worth of chatter and then I would insist that it was time to dance now, whether in my living room, your living room, or at Oil Can Harrys. That drunk had it right! She suggested activities and drunk people followed. She shook it up. Then some people had kids and stopped following.
This is not a 20 something thing .This still is the case today, 32 years later. I mean, after a while the time for just talking is OVER. Now we have to play a game, sing karaoke, choreograph a dance, go swimming, or pierce someones’ ear.
What if this isn’t neurosis but VITALITY?
Not Infantile but Inspired ?
Before I thought, “oh you just get hyper when you drink and you must be very insecure to have to switch things up/control the situation.” But what if I’m a curator of a better time. VARIETY people! People hire event planners to keep things moving. Mock dancers to break dance floor ice. I don’t know if its socially acceptable to continue to curate without the excuse of tipsy-ness ? I mean I guess as long as you’re inebriated, you may be more open to try my switch ups.
Aha! I don’t need to be drinking but I really need you to be drinking.
Whatever this fever is , Im going to follow it and try not to drink so I can be ok with it. More will be revealed.
That Winking Witch 
oh yeah…i do NOT do ‘chill’ well at all…i am a total “hostess”.I’m chatty, extroverted, and a total social butterfly. I always feel the need to change it up so no one ( or me) gets bored. I still do this even after being sober for over a year ( altho since february i have changed my relationship with alcohol- long story). i still cannot stand awkward silences or noticing a lag in frolic and fun whenever i am in a social situation ( less often with the pandemic but still relevant)..not exactly sure its the same thing you are describing but sounds quite similar…not really sure there is a cure for it in my case…haha…good luck!
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YES I think we’re talking about the same energy here. and Im not an absolutist with alcohol anymore . A lot of hostess energy that hasn’t been used in a while! Its chomping at the bit!
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thank goodness..thought i was crazy! haha
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